# 56 Memo

Title: Who’s who in domestic violence?

Date: 03/01/2011

Subject: Individual Memo

Decision: Revise and Resubmit

Dear Author:

It’s grateful to you to submit this article to commonplace. Your argument in this paper is that men nowadays are also suffered from domestic violence, both mentally and physically; however, people always don’t notice that. And you did a great job to change reader’s mind that not only women can be the victims from domestic violence. In my opinion, your article is quiet timely, compelling and relevant.

According to your article, I can find that the topic is timely since the MTV shows also choose to use these themes. Television is a good standard to measure whether a topic is whether opportune. Only topic which is popular enough can be showed on TV.

And I think the article is relevant due to these two examples of MTV shows. Both two examples describe how the men were also got hurt from their wife or girlfriends specifically. From these two examples, it’s quite easy for readers to feel that men can also be the victims from domestic violence. For insurance, according to the article, “Amber would scream at Gary, chock him, punch him and call him horrible names.”(Para 4) Those words are really relevant.

I think the article is relatively compelling since many couples nowadays do have such problem that men are treated unfairly. But I think you should use more contents to show the connection between the topic and readers.

It looks like some of your sentences have the problem of grammatical issues and comprehension issues. It seems like you didn’t use a lot of commas to separate the sentences when you are using clauses. And several long sentences like 2.4 is little bit of hard to understand.

At last, thank you again to have interest in commonplace and submit a good article. And I think if you do some revision, the article will be more perfect. Wish you good luck.

Sincerely,

Fan Yang